How Can I Re-virginize My Sim?

[syberspunk]

* syberspunk flies through neriana's window and zaps her right between the legs eyes with his magical digits. 

Hehe. Yeh, I don't know you all that well to be doing that sort of thing, but I just couldn't resist, it was so funny!

I've had a few 'magical' moments myself... but those were probably because I was... ahem... under the influence to put it mildly, and so... it really did feel 'magical' to me. Like really mindblowingly so... well, my mind wasn't the only thing being blown at the time. Heh. The magical digits can be really awesome too. 

Ste

[neriana]

*swats Syberspunk*

Freighting the "first time" with all this significance is what sets anyone up for disappointment. It will never be that significant again because there is only one first time. Just like saying your wedding day is the best day of your life -- oh well, all downhill from there. And then you get people who are upset because their first time or their wedding day wasn't this incredible glorious "magical" (gag) experience. You get bridezillas and people with even more hang-ups about sex because this ONE time is supposedly Oh So Important. But it just isn't.

I have been passionately, deeply, and truly in love twice in my life, once with someone who makes me very happy right now and with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life -- though I know sometimes things don't work out the way we hope. However, I don't believe in the objective significance of "first times", love at first sight, one perfect person for you in the world, knights in shining armor, "magic" in connection with, well, anything, or the Easter Bunny. I do, however, believe in the Invisible Pink Unicorn, may her horniness bless us all.

[Ellatrue]

I wasn't hung up about it at all... maybe that's why it turned out to feel that way for me. It was actually more of a relief, because I was raised with too much church- so instead of being obsessed with it, it was something I avoided until I just realized I didn't feel that way anymore. At that point I'd already been with that person for a long time and I trusted him completely, and I wanted it because I was in love, not because of some obsession with my "first time." If you are madly in love like that, even if it is messy or awkward, what on Earth would you have to be disappointed about? How could the start of something wonderful NOT be significant? I mean, after that point, it certainly wasn't downhill, and everything that happens afterwards is part of what *made* it special in the first place.

So, for me, it *was* magical and wonderful and all that. That's just how it felt. And it's stupid to pretend there is no magic in ordinary life, or that the only "magic" comes from a knight in shining armor or the easter bunny or whatever because life can really be that good without it. I understand what you mean, but I think it is a mistake to think that you have to have things a certain way for something to be this incredible experience. And I think that is where people really go wrong. If you are marrying the person you love, even if it rains and half the guests don't show or there are rats in the pantry or whatever, I think that makes it any less incredible.

[J. M. Pescado]

Aren't rats usually in a pantry? Isn't that where you keep them? The only other thing I could imagine that you might keep in a pantry might be, well, pants, I guess. I've never understood why it's called a pantry when you don't keep pants in it...

[witch]

I have to chime in and say I really enjoyed my first sexual experience, with a guy who was also new to sex. We'd been together for a few months and all I can say is, IT WAS FUN.

And mostly it kept on being fun, so I guess I've been lucky. Not to mention I grew up during the lax post-hippie pre-AIDs era. 

[Soylent Sim]

Ideally, one's partner would have a solid sense of fun, awareness of their own body, and a knack for communication/feedback.  These trump raw experience any day of the week.  "love" is nice because it encourages communication and attention to one's partner.  But the above list is what really makes or breaks a lover.

As far as the experience thing, though, I do have to chime in.  When I get in bed with someone, it doesn't feel right if I don't feel special.  "You're special, the only one I've opened myself like this up for" is pretty much that in a nutshell.  "You're special, but I've felt this way a few times before" doesn't pack quite the same punch, clearly.  "You're special guy #47" tends to carry that super-sexy feeling of being told to take a number.  The people who deny that history does/should matter always sound self-serving and hollow to me.

[Sagana]

Ideally, one's partner would have a solid sense of fun, awareness of their own body, and a knack for communication/feedback.  These trump raw experience any day of the week.  "love" is nice because it encourages communication and attention to one's partner.  But the above list is what really makes or breaks a lover.

That's well-said and I agree. I just think 'love' (which I probably use in a different fashion than some - I don't mean 'infatuation') enables that.

"Magical" is what you make of it.

For me, 26 years, 3 children, 2 grandchildren, all the trials and tribulations, and still beauty of the body (in a not superficial way) IS magical :)

[croiduire]

All this talk of "magical" and flying through windows made me laugh out loud as it brought back memories.

It was the first time for my (now) husband and I, although we were both of us very very far from virginal and  had known each other for quite a while. We were in a hotel room (at a SF convention we were attending--we hadn't gone there for sex) and were locked in a passionate clench, thrusting away. We tried to roll over...and found ourselves falling out of bed. One of those slo-mo moments. Himself actually had the presence of mind to get his hand under the back of my head before we hit with a jarring thud. We looked at each other for a long, stunned moment, and all I could think of to say was the line from Toy Story--"That wasn't flying! That was falling...with style!" We both started laughing until we were crying, while coming up with totally random quotes, until he said, "Remember, you can't fall off the floor..."

Next morning my back was abraded raw from the rug (likewise his elbows and knees), his hand was purple where he'd smashed it keeping my head from bumping...and we couldn't stop smiling at each other like twitterpated idiots. I could accurately use almost every descriptor in this thread to describe that night...it was messy, awkward, painful, hysterically funny...and magical.

[veilchen]

And mostly it kept on being fun, so I guess I've been lucky. Not to mention I grew up during the lax post-hippie pre-AIDs era. 

Same here Witch. That's why I've been staying out of this one, because words can't even describe the fun of that era.  Coming of age in the latter half of the 70's in Europe was utterly and completely diffent than coming of age now-a-days. Pity them.

[Sagana]

Great story croiduire, that'd be my idea of magical too The ability to laugh is an important element.

Coming of age in the latter half of the 70's in Europe was utterly and completely diffent than coming of age now-a-days.

Is it really so different? (that being my time period as well, more or less).

[Jelenedra]

First time with my hubby was in the back of my car in front of my friend's house. We got into a tickle fight and ended up molesting each other.

Oh yeah, and I was his supervisor at work.

When we finished, he was all, "Awww, now we have to be sweet hearty to each other."

To which I replied, "Yeah, if you want to keep your schedule the way it is, you do."

[Orikes]

My first time was physically pretty good but emotionally meh.

My best friends, though... True love. Waited until marriage. And had an absolutely horrible wedding night. Neither one knew what the hell they were doing and she ended up in a lot of pain with a lot of blood. They had both wanted it to be perfect and magical and everything that the storybooks said it was supposed to. As a result, they didn't really have any practical knowledge and ended up needing some pointers and a few more tries before they got it right. Once they did, though... It's still True Love. The magic just took a little longer.

[ElfPuddle]

r=sagana link=topic=5428.msg156135#msg156135 date=1157023334]

"Magical" is what you make of it.

For me, 26 years, 3 children, 2 grandchildren, all the trials and tribulations, and still beauty of the body (in a not superficial way) IS magical
[/quote]

That is magical. It's beautiful too. Congratulations sagana!

[neriana]

I wasn't hung up about it at all... maybe that's why it turned out to feel that way for me. It was actually more of a relief, because I was raised with too much church- so instead of being obsessed with it, it was something I avoided until I just realized I didn't feel that way anymore. At that point I'd already been with that person for a long time and I trusted him completely, and I wanted it because I was in love, not because of some obsession with my "first time." If you are madly in love like that, even if it is messy or awkward, what on Earth would you have to be disappointed about? How could the start of something wonderful NOT be significant? I mean, after that point, it certainly wasn't downhill, and everything that happens afterwards is part of what *made* it special in the first place.

So, for me, it *was* magical and wonderful and all that. That's just how it felt. And it's stupid to pretend there is no magic in ordinary life, or that the only "magic" comes from a knight in shining armor or the easter bunny or whatever because life can really be that good without it. I understand what you mean, but I think it is a mistake to think that you have to have things a certain way for something to be this incredible experience. And I think that is where people really go wrong. If you are marrying the person you love, even if it rains and half the guests don't show or there are rats in the pantry or whatever, I think that makes it any less incredible.

I wasn't one iota hung up about it about it and I was in love. It was still weird. You're being more intimate with anyone than you ever have, you're actually physically changing your body, and you're doing a really strange thing you've never done before. It hurt and it was strange. It was not a bad experience but it was not one of my greatest experiences either by any means. I don't particularly like the implication that I must not REALLY have been in love or that I must REALLY have been hung up about something, or I would have felt the same way you did.

I think you're not comprehending me at all. "Incredible" is not the same as "magical". There is no such thing as "magic", and labeling normal, everyday things like sex "magical" makes me want to barf. Childbirth isn't "miraculous" either, it's biological. I hate this obfuscation of normal life. As if there's something so wrong with everyday experience -- and sex is an everyday experience -- that we must use ridiculous, hyperbolic terms to make it worthwhile.

Since I started, I've always had a great sex life (well, when I've had someone to have it with, which has been pretty constant except for a dry spell of 2 years after I broke up with my first boyfriend). Since before I had intercourse, since that's not the only sexual experience out there. I don't have hang-ups and I don't date jerks -- and I don't pretend sex is something it's not. The first time is utterly meaningless unless you decide to shove meaning onto it.

Soylent Sim: You say denying history is self-serving. I say insisting that you be told you're the ONLY one someone has ever felt this way about sounds narcissistic. People had lives before they met you. Did I love my first boyfriend? Completely, passionately and utterly. Do I love my current boyfriend? Absolutely. He's the one I want. That's all that matters, and he's smart enough to know that. Or I wouldn't have bothered with him in the first place.

[croiduire]

I happen to live in a world full of magic, at least by the definition: "characteristic of something that works although no one really understands why." I've studied enough biology, genetics, and physics to marvel at how often everything goes right. I can explain in excruciating detail about cellular replication and systemic divergence, and none of that explains the sheer transcendence I felt when I gave birth to my first child. Although I understand the technical process, to me it remains magical when a tree changes overnight from green to scarlet in the autumn, or in spring goes from bare, cold branches to an explosion of flowers. Stars are magic. And so is love--limbic receptors, neurotransmitters and amygdala activity define and document, they don't explain.

This may only be a matter of semantics, easily resolvable once we can all decide on a common definition, or it might be a matter of point-of-view, of the glass half full or half empty type. But one thing is sure: there's no right or wrong answer here, just different experiences and unique individuals.

[neriana]

I'm a glass half-full type who lives in a world of nature, not magic. I don't need something that doesn't exist to be happy and filled with wonder. Just because we don't understand it, that doesn't make it magic; it just means we don't understand it yet. Maybe we never will. But mystery is totally unecessary for beauty -- truth is the most beautiful thing in the world.

[croiduire]

Actually doesn't that make you a "the glass is neither half full nor half empty. The container is improperly engineered for the volume of fluid it must contain" type? 

[neriana]

Actually doesn't that make you a "the glass is neither half full nor half empty. The container is improperly engineered for the volume of fluid it must contain" type? 

No, it makes me the "this glass can contain this much liquid, so I'll just get up and get a refill when I feel like it" type .

[syberspunk]

First time with my hubby was in the back of my car in front of my friend's house. We got into a tickle fight and ended up molesting each other.

Oh yeah, and I was his supervisor at work.

When we finished, he was all, "Awww, now we have to be sweet hearty to each other."

To which I replied, "Yeah, if you want to keep your schedule the way it is, you do."

Lol. Pwned! Sometimes sexual harrassment rules.

[anyeone]

First time - painful and rather disappointing despite being "in love"

I used to think that sex would be better if it were "special" but after being married for six years I think it is much better when it is relatively new and there is still an excitement factor.  Not to say sex with my husband is bad, but it doesn't have the thrill it used to when you're with someone new.

Now I think that were I ever to mysteriously become single (not something I am planning, by the way) I would enjoy having sex with friends who I was physically attracted to although I would still be unlikely to have "one night stands" because I'm rarely that attracted to people right off the bat.  Personality is important to attraction for me. 

I do think though that sex not being good if you're not "in love" comes from hangups and guilt feelings (that I've managed to shed over the years) rather than an inability to have really good sex without love.

Love without sex becomes unsatisfying.  Sex without love at least is sex.

PS.  Woohoo! Got reply 69 in a thread about sex...

[Kristalrose]

I used to think that sex would be better if it were "special" but after being married for six years I think it is much better when it is relatively new and there is still an excitement factor.  Not to say sex with my husband is bad, but it doesn't have the thrill it used to when you're with someone new.

Now I think that were I ever to mysteriously become single (not something I am planning, by the way) I would enjoy having sex with friends who I was physically attracted to although I would still be unlikely to have "one night stands" because I'm rarely that attracted to people right off the bat.  Personality is important to attraction for me. 

Love without sex becomes unsatisfying.  Sex without love at least is sex.

Just wanted to say that I agree with everything you've said here.  I love my husband very much, and we have great sex.  But, I do sometimes miss that excitement of a new person, the discovery of sex with someone new.  I'm not looking to trade him in.  There's also something to be said for the security that comes from being with your best friend, someone you've known and been with your entire adult life. 

Maybe that's why my favorite sims to play are Romance Sims.  LOL

[Sagana]

What's exciting about someone new is the conquest (ok, probably people won't like that term - the... um... 'thrill' of being wanted, feeling attractive? something like that) not the sex. Infatuation (being "in love" and all excited) is fun, but it's not the sex part. Maybe you can find a way to add some of that back into your existing relationship (dates, roleplay etc.), if your partner is game (highly recommends some means that doesn't include another person because it's so dang complicated, but to each his or her own).

Oh and thank you Elfpuddle

[LynnMar]

SEX bah humbug.  I remember all the good sex I had was when I was on some good drugs. 

but now that I am clean and sober for a long time,  I am a Eunich now.   rofl.

[kewian]

Virginity should be lost early so that the wedding night can be spent properly: eating leftover cake and steak, drinking champagne, and opening envelope after envelope of money.  Ah, sweet memories.

where is this? lala land?  where was my steak?