Important notice from the GRAMMAR POLICE. Plz read. This means you.

[rohina]

Oh, the irony of some tard who can't punctuate complaining about nonstandard spelling. I think we need a rubber room for you people.

[Georgette]

if we are talking grammar police , shouldn't plz be please?

It would lack sarcasm, in that case.

worse than that, it would imply intelligence.

Fuck me. For a 2 post person you're ARROGANT.

(Yes, I lack posts too but I know my place)

[timelycorruption]

A rubber room in an asylum run by grammar cats.

[gumba]

Fuck me. For a 2 post person you're ARROGANT.

(Yes, I lack posts too but I know my place)

No one will ever fuck you ugly shit, remember that.

[Tsarina]

Was that supposed to be

No one will ever fuck you, ugly shit, remember that.

or

No one will ever fuck your ugly shit, remember that.

?

Speaking of shit, I've been wondering: what is more correct, 'one shit, two shits' or 'one piece of shit, two pieces of shit'?

[Liz]

Was that supposed to be

No one will ever fuck you, ugly shit, remember that.

or

No one will ever fuck your ugly shit, remember that.

?

Well asked, Tsarina, though either intent still begs further grammaration (it's a perfectly cromulent word!).

"...ugly shit; remember that."

There is also a third possibility, an insistence that the world has abandoned fornication forever. I doubt this was gumba's meaning, but such a ghastly lack of clarifying punctuation leaves one's meaning open to all manner of guessing.

No one will ever fuck, you ugly shit; remember that.

For a newbie to blow his first post with such a poor display of grammatical stills - while posting in a GRAMMAR POLICE thread, no less - is pitiful, indeed.

Speaking of shit, I've been wondering: what is more correct, 'one shit, two shits' or 'one piece of shit, two pieces of shit'?

Either would be correct. Selecting the more appropriate phrase would depend on specific context.

[Georgette]

Fuck me. For a 2 post person you're ARROGANT.

(Yes, I lack posts too but I know my place)

No one will ever fuck you ugly shit, remember that.

Your mom fucks me every night and loves it, so wrong there.

(When talking to the childish, I feel I must use retorts on their level.)

[Tsarina]

No one will ever fuck, you ugly shit; remember that.

I lol'd.

Thank you for answering my question, Liz. I thought 'one shit' was similar to asking for 'a water' which is, as far as I know, wrong. Or am I mistaken again?

[Jelenedra]

Holy **** what is up with your avatar? O_O

[Tsarina]

What are you talking about, Jelly? I have not changed my avatar lately. May I suggest you lay off the meds?
To be honest, I'm not sure. I stole it from someone on LiveJournal, and I felt it portrayed my reaction to MATY quite well.

[Jelenedra]

*laughs* I just noticed it. It messed with my head. Couldn't decide if he was some sort of slug boy, into tentacle pr0n, or really, really surprised. =p

[Tyyppi]

I actually know where that avatar is originally from. It's from Uzumaki. It's a Japanese horror comic where some really fucked up shit happens, like people turning into snails and then some people start eating those snails. Fun!

[GelatinousSubstance]

Mmm, giant escargo... sounds yummy.

[Liz]

No one will ever fuck, you ugly shit; remember that.

I lol'd.

Thank you for answering my question, Liz. I thought 'one shit' was similar to asking for 'a water' which is, as far as I know, wrong. Or am I mistaken again?

The question of "a water" is an interesting one to me. It may sound incorrect, but then it's fine to ask for a lemonade, an iced tea, or a grape juice, isn't it? Asking for a water skips the signifier, the "glass of". Ordering with a signifier would perhaps be more proper, as it can assist in alleviating certain ordering confusions (A beer? Do you mean a bottle of beer, can of beer, or a glass of what's on tap?), but I don't see why grammar would insist you include it for water when it seems perfectly permissible to omit it for other beverages. "A water" sounds more peculiar to our ears because we know water as a substance that doesn't come in individual units. However much water there is, a few drops or an ocean full, you still only have one "body" of water; it's all "some", which leads many to feel one ought to order "some" water when thirsty. Certainly, one can also order "some" lemonade, tea, or grape juice, but "a" should suffice when naming one's beverage of choice, even if that choice is water. I personally prefer to include the signifier and ask for "a glass of iced water", finding it less open to interpretation (no bottled silliness, thanks, and yes, I do want it cold), but if one chooses to omit that signifier and simply order "a beverage" instead of "a cup/glass/mug/pitcher of x", I see no reason "a water" shouldn't be every bit as permissible as "a glass of cold gravy with a hair in it".

When it comes to "one shit", appropriate use would depend on context, wouldn't it? Are you referring to one pile of shit, one piece of shit (maybe in a larger pile of shit), or perhaps one act of shitting (taking or giving a shit)? It's clumsy and awkward to tell your mates you're off to take one shit when "a shit" is correct (certainly no need to specify that you'll only be using the facilities once while you're gone), but if your physician asked you how many times you'd moved your bowels today, you might tell her you had one shit (two or more, of course, if your bowels are more active on the day in question). To whether one would need to refer to one pile or piece of shit, "some shit" would be correct when referring to the substance itself in any quantity, but there may be situations in which the quantity and/or arrangement of said substance is relevant. Perhaps someone inexperienced or uncontrolled in defecation made use of the nearest loo? There could be shit scattered all over the bathroom while one lonely, little shit made it into the bowl (of course that nasty shitter forgot to flush, and you just know he didn't wash his hands). There is one shit in the bowl. Still, unless there is such specific need to quantify shits in such a manner, "some" or "a" should be, in most situations, more than sufficient to the task.

[Immortelle]

But we much all remember that the word shit was most likely introduced into todays vernacular by the lowest common denominator, who do not know jack shit about grammar, and nor would they give a shit anyway.

[GelatinousSubstance]

But we much all remember that the word shit was most likely introduced into todays vernacular by the lowest common denominator, who do not know jack shit about grammar, and nor would they give a shit anyway.

FYI: when When correcting or commenting on grammar, it is best to ensure that you are also correct (the rest of the time, it is not as important).

There is no need to put "and" before "nor" - it is improper usage of two conjunctions.

[Bass Junkie]

FYI: when correcting or commenting on grammar, it is best to ensure that you are also correct (the rest of the time, it is not as important).

FYI: when correcting or commenting on grammar

FYI: when

: w

Ahem.

[Nimrod]

"I took shit yesterday and I already took some shit today."  "Mr. Jones, your problem seems to be that you're taking the shit, rather than leaving the shit."  "Oh, well Doc, can you give me advices about how to stop taking shit?  The missis won't let up!" 

In conclusion, stop TAKING shit.  Seems like you uppity grammar types would refuse "take(ing) a shit" in preference to "excrete excrement" or "going to defecate" or "off to pass stool" or "make in the (use the) ((toilet)insert geographical slant/slang here), or some such shit otherwise.

[GelatinousSubstance]

FYI: when correcting or commenting on grammar, it is best to ensure that you are also correct (the rest of the time, it is not as important).

FYI: when correcting or commenting on grammar

FYI: when

: w

Ahem.

Busted?

[DrNerd]

Actually, according to the style guide I used when I taught, there was no right or wrong when it came to spacing and capitalization following a colon.  It was more a stylistic choice, with the possible exception of a list after a colon, where the accepted punctuation is colon, space, lower-case letter.

[Terribletegs]

Actually, according to the style guide I used when I taught, there was no right or wrong when it came to spacing and capitalization following a colon.  It was more a stylistic choice, with the possible exception of a list after a colon, where the accepted punctuation is colon, space, lower-case letter.

Agreed.
http://www.englishchick.com/grammar/grpunc.htm
http://www1.umn.edu/urelate/style/punctuation.html#Anchor-Back-30815
http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/colons.asp

[Liz]

In conclusion, stop TAKING shit.  Seems like you uppity grammar types would refuse "take(ing) a shit" in preference to "excrete excrement" or "going to defecate" or "off to pass stool" or "make in the (use the) ((toilet)insert geographical slant/slang here), or some such shit otherwise.

LOLwhut? Stop TALKING shit, Numbnuts.

[Sairsadel]

The discussion about "a water" reminds me of Arthur Ransome's use of the phrase "a sea" in his book "We Didn't Mean to Go to Sea" (1937):

"A sea broke over her bows, and sheets of water flew up over the cabin roof, into the mainsail, and splashed down over the struggling figures in the cockpit."

I think Liz's reasoning applies here, so it's another example of the same thing.

[rufio]

The discussion about "a water" reminds me of Arthur Ransome's use of the phrase "a sea" in his book "We Didn't Mean to Go to Sea" (1937):

Except not really, since "sea" is a regular count noun with a regularly formed plural.  The fact that it's "a sea" rather than "the sea" just sounds like there's an implied "of water" there.

In my experience, "a water/lemonade/juice/etc." is mostly limited to restaurants, where it refers to a specific standardized drink order.  At home I wouldn't say, "I'm going to get a water" unless I was referring to an unopened bottle of water or one of many pre-prepared glasses of water, as opposed to, say, filling up a glass from the sink.

[J. M. Pescado]

Except not really, since "sea" is a regular count noun with a regularly formed plural.  The fact that it's "a sea" rather than "the sea" just sounds like there's an implied "of water" there.

Saying "A" sea instead of "THE" sea makes me envision an entire sea flooding into some hapless boat, exploding it and sinking it in tiny scattered pieces instantly. *A* sea, to me, refers to a singular specific sea, which can be quite large, even for a small sea, as opposed to "the sea", referring to the ocean unspecifically, or "the seas", referring to the collective oceans.