But the PC is not connected to the internet. It has no wireless card, and no ethernet connection unless I plug one in, causing a major trip hazard and general annoyance. I can connect it, if I have to, but it won't be able to phone home without a phone line, so to speak.
Why fool about with it? Just install game and run from no-cd crack as recommended standard practice. Avoid securom. It is known to phone home when connected to the intarwebz. It is known to interfere with other virus protection and CD/DVD burning capabilities. It breaks things. Have it off and keep it off. It takes 15-30 minutes to check your system for securom and remove any infection (following the steps in the stickied thread). This saves you future problems which will use up more time, which could have been better wasted in other ways.
That said, I ran BV for several months with securom on the machine, but always offline, and experienced no problems, but every person seems to have a different experience. Advice is still to remove and play from a no-cd (it's more convenient anyway), but you are the person who has to choose to take (or not) the advice.