Here, take this. I am tired of looking at it.
316 Overlord Road
Thinking of becoming an evil mastermind, but your current sphere of influence is sadly lacking in good volcanoes? A villain is nothing without a lair! Fret not, your nastyship, we have you covered.
This unassuming two-story home is just suburban enough to blend in to almost any neighborhood, with just the right amount of 'simulated neglect' to warn off door-to-door solicitors.
Once passing through your pleasing and well-defended entry, your vic--er, guests, will find themselves in a lovely marbled hall designed to instill the proper level of Respect.
Your Audience Chamber is big enough to get things done, and soundproofed for your privacy and convenience, and is supported by your own personal "hobby room".
The first floor also includes the kitchens, and a lovely hallway and entertainment area.
On the second floor you have your personal bedchamber, with private bathroom and fireplace. There are also dormitories for your minions and a fully modern gymnasium so the grunts can keep in tip-top shape!
Fully furnished our 'starter lair' prices in at about $90,000 (wanded), which is much cheaper and more comfortable than attempting to dynamite out a cavern system! It sits on a 30x30 lot, with some room for expansion.
Not playtested. Probably all EPs.