Jul "More Awful Than You": Most Offensive Story Or Movie!

[FireFlyNine]

I entered a story too, so no judging for me. 
I do wonder who will be among the lucky few who decided the winners this month. Everything in this thread has been priceless.

[morriganrant]

Normally I'd encourage every way to express one's creativity, but... seriously. It can't be healthy in the long run.

That, is seriously creepy. A thread of those and i wouldn't be able to sleep for weeks...

[SaraMK]

Those human/sim hybrids are seriously creepy. I've been noticing creators doing that a lot more lately. What a stupid trend.

[Ellatrue]

JUDGINATING COMPLETE!

Okay. In order to compare the stories, I have (somewhat arbitrarily) awarded points to each story in three categories: # of spelling errors, trashy, and the number of times the story made me go "WTF". Some entries have been deleted, so I couldn't judge them. And some were not completely scored because, well, fuck it (but only those that weren't significant for one category or another). It's impossible to truly account for all spelling and grammatical errors, since that would require TOO MUCH EFFORT. But I did my best.

CATEGORY: MOST OFFENSIVE

Winner, Most Offensive Story:
The Columbine Story
not scored- this one wins based on concept alone 

Runner-Up, Most Offensive Story:
The Willie Witch Projects (Part 1)- 11 counts of OFFENSIVE WTF- 3 black guys go to "the projects." Homophobia, trash talking ensue. I expect this one to be deleted FAST.

CATEGORY: TRASHINESS
This category turned out to be HIGHLY competitive. Reasons for giving trashiness points include, but are not limited to: jail, OMG-TWINZ11!, rape, incest, trashed living conditions, stripper moms, abusive dads, drug abuse, white trash names, teen pregnancy, and KEEPING THE DAMN BABY!

Winner, Trashiest Story:
160 Degree Turn, with 11 counts of trashiness
spelling/grammatical errors: 80
WTF:3
Highlights: the baby-momma is "pregant"

Runner-Up, Trashiest Story:
The Carrson Family (family-owned whorehouse), with 10 points of trashiness, mostly for ugly clothing and general retardation.
Spelling errors: 15
WTF: 10
Highlights: "but she's a corner hoe." Why is the black girl the ugly one?
 
Honorable Mention: That's Just Life -only trashy on 7 counts, but for VERY trashy reasons

CATEGORY: WTF?!
Another difficult judgment to make. WTF points generally awarded for every time I thought, WTF? Most points are not awarded for reasons of being offensive, but a select few were in a very "special" category.

Winner, WTF Award:
You'll Never Fail Making the Right Choices, with 12 counts of mind-blowing WTF-ness!
Spelling:14
Trashy:1
Highlights: "But never drink more than 2 bottles! You can get drunk, and again kill yourself." They blew off writing their "eco-columns" for this?

Runner-Up, WTF Award:
The Willie Witch Projects (Part 1)- 11 truly offensive WTF moments.
SP:4 TR:4

Honorable Mention:
Robobeautiful 1.0 for it's stunningly unique, groundbreaking vision of a robot-woman gone mad.
SP:11 TR:3 WTF:9

CATEGORY: SPELLING
While longer stories have the advantage in this category, the winner is surprisingly brief. Points given half-assedly for spelling and grammatical errors (such as Im or your/you're confusion).

Winner, Most in Need of a Good Beating with a Large Dictionary Award:
My Life: A Youri Stevenson Story, with 115 spelling errors in a mere 18 slides! BRAVO!
Trashy:3
WTF:6
Highlights: Every sentence is a run-on. Author uses NO punctuation. Features such gems as "mystereyesly," "pichtour" (picture), a "hunking" car, and a visit from "Scocal serves."
This story also wins the EMO Award, for all the time the main character spends in her room, telling her problems to her doll and whining that she isn't allowed to visit her dead mother's grave. Plus, her evil step mother beats her even WHILE GIVING BIRTH!

Runner Up, Crappy Spelling:
160 Degree Turn, with 80 errors, including "pregant."
TR:11
WTF:3

Honorable Mention:
IM A DAMN GOOD MOHTER, with a mere 53 counted errors--including "pregnate," and THE STORY'S TITLE
trashy:3
wtf:3
Highlights: Their house has a "patient room." And the bio-tech lab is OUTSIDE.

CATEGORY: OFFENSIVE VIDEOS

Winner, Most Offensive Video:
Beautiful, pt.2 (I Believe in Love), for INVITING THE RAPIST TO DINNER

Runner-Up, Most Offensive Video:
The Stepdad, for proposing to the teenage daughter on her dead mother's grave.


CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS!

[Marhis]

Great job, Ellatrue! You earned the purple bunny outfit, yay! 

[Flamingo]

words

I LOL'd.

[angelyne]

I'm amazed you managed to plough through all these stories.  You have the patience of a saint.

I think points should have granted all all the kiddies who prefaced their stories with "soory for the speelling mistak.  WTF? They act like putting on that disclaimer gives them complete license to dispense with any type of grammatical rule or spelling convention.  Do they preface their school work with that disclaimer as well?  I can just imagine them taking offense at their failing grade"  WTF!!!111 I sed I was soory for the speeling mistak.  stoopid retard teacher.

[MsMaria]

Ellatrue! Great job! I am impressed!

[Ellatrue]

In case anyone is interested, and because I happen to have all this stuff written down anyway, here's the breakdown from most of the other stories:

"pregnate:" 2
"pregnet:" 1
"pregant:" 1
"PREGANET:" 1


I Should Listen You!
spelling: exempt- Estonia
trashy: 5
wtf: 6
Highlights: "Girl: I want to move out! Mom: stop please do your homework!"
Good mothers go blonde.

The chappie Family WTF:2

My Slut Mom, My Forgotten Sister and Me SP:4 TR:4 WTF:2
Warning! Floating deformed toddler!

Bluewater Village TR:1 WTF:8

Diary of Pain and Loss (couldn't really score it because it was deleted)
TR: 5
"pregnate"

The Hills Have Eyes SP:8 TR:2 WTF:6

Heaven's Garden
spelling exempt- Norway (that said, it was better than most)
TR:3 WTF:3


Lilly Gold SP:14 TR:0 WTF: 3
Highlight: correctly spells "pregnant."

Huge Changes SP:6 TR:7 WTF:3
Highlight: "Brian wondered why he didn't just wear a condom."

The Gettoms Family
Highlight: Short (thank goodness). Pointless, but perfect spelling!

The Matthews Family SP:4 TR:1 WTF: 3.5
Highlight: short!

Legacy of Biker Grandpa SP:1 TR:2 WTF:4

That's Just Life SP:1 TR:8 WTF:3
"exuberant" spelled correctly

The Big Mistake SP: 5 TR:2 WTF:3

A Pierce in the line 3 SP: 23 BORING

The Perfect Fate 1 SP:30 TR:1 WTF:1

The Unthinkable Chapt 1 SP:15 TR:9 WTF:4

The Unthinkable Part3 SP:21 TR:3 WTF:5
"dear girl I raped"

CGang (the girl killed by appliances) WTF: 8

Story of Miss Mouse disqualified, since it's WTF on purpose

Boy Meets Girl-Underaged bleh. too long and boring to score. 58 slides!
highlight: "but you could see what she WOULD say from her face"

The nukote Family (SLUTSSS, Old Guys, Pretty Girl)
...fuck it

To Be a Some Body SP:2 TR:4 WTF:6
"We were very unimpressed with your profile and qualifications" but they STILL give her a job

Don Lothario=The mission SP:3 WTF:3 BORING

Why Me? SP:26 TR:7 WTF:6
"I would suffer major concicences"

The Rape of Amy SP:3 TR:4 WTF:6
Rapist is black. And the hula dancers? WTF?!

The Romancing Saga of Kelsi and Ashraf SP:0 TR:6 WTF (offensive):10
description-"racist, politically incorrect families"
A MAJOR CONTENDER for most offensive. Jews, blacks, dead babies- is there ANYTHING they left out? UGH.

Light Shine On Us Chapter 1 -fuck it

LOST ON LOVER'S LANE --fuck it

How We Killed Daddy (Video)
rating: TOO FUCKING LONG

The Witherspoon Family SP:2 TR:3 WTF:2
"those two kids are rape kids"

The Diamond Family, their Friends/Affairs SP:14 TR:3 WTF:2
features both "pregant" and "PREGANET"!!111


Believe it or not, this was actually an easy way to judge the contest... I just ticked things off as I read.

[Angie]

Winner, Trashiest Story:
160 Degree Turn, with 11 counts of trashiness
spelling/grammatical errors: 80
WTF:3
Highlights: the baby-momma is "pregant"
...
Runner Up, Crappy Spelling:
160 Degree Turn, with 80 errors, including "pregant."
TR:11
WTF:3

W00t!  My nomination won for "Most Trashy" and made runner up for "Crappy Spelling".

I is so proud!   

[Sapnish]

I'm amazed you managed to plough through all these stories.  You have the patience of a saint.

I think points should have granted all all the kiddies who prefaced their stories with "soory for the speelling mistak.  WTF? They act like putting on that disclaimer gives them complete license to dispense with any type of grammatical rule or spelling convention.  Do they preface their school work with that disclaimer as well?  I can just imagine them taking offense at their failing grade"  WTF!!!111 I sed I was soory for the speeling mistak.  stoopid retard teacher.

RE: Plowing through badly written stories. Some people actually do this on a daily basis. A good chunk of them are Harry Potter or LOTR fans, since those fandoms have the most written about them. Communities abound: http://community.livejournal.com/wtffanfiction/profile is just one of them, that I only just peeked at.

Also, the disclaimer can get very creative. And still badly spelled. Though I've read some very ...defensive ones that state "i get striate A's in soochl, so ofuck yoyu all abotu my spleling!" Always good times, there.

[angelyne]

I suppose it's a failure of imagination on my part, but I simply cannot get my head around this. Why do some people think spelling is optional.  I suppose it's like the people who believe housework is totally optional.  (Have you ever watched How Clean is my House?).  The common excuse -- I'm too creative and high minded to lower myself at such menial tasks as cleaning.  That's probably similar for spelling -- having to spell correctly hinders my creativity.  But the real truth is it's just plain laziness.  In both cases.

On a different note, are we going to continue this exercise ? Because it's simply too funny to stop

[MsMaria]

I suppose it's a failure of imagination on my part, but I simply cannot get my head around this. Why do some people think spelling is optional.  I suppose it's like the people who believe housework is totally optional. 

Housecleaning ISN"T optional? Oopsies.

[angelyne]

Well it depends really.  If you are a social outcast that lives in a bunker, it's not entirely expected, although sure appreciated by the nice young men in their clean white coat when they come to take you away.

However for the rest of the more or less normal population, it's required.  Failure to do maintain decent standards might result in the visit of Kim and Aggie and a camera crew.  Shock and horror might ensue when it's revealed on national TV that there are slugs living under your couch and that your kitchen is dirtier and more contaminated than a former frat's house that's now condemned and inhabited by the homeless.

[rosenshyne]

I'm obsessively in love with that show. My favorite was a guy in a band who had hundreds of fly corpses in his kitchen. Carrion fly corpses.

[J. M. Pescado]

My place is actually pretty clean, as I use a plasma torch as a household cleaning device.

[witch]

Contrary to popular belief, there are no housework police!

Just think of all the resistances to bugs you are building for when civilisation collapses. I'm just doing my bit for survival.

[angelyne]

Does that mean that the slobs, dirty bastards, and the cockroaches, will inherit the earth?  Oh boy.

[Berg]

Does that mean that the slobs, dirty bastards, and the cockroaches, will inherit the earth?  Oh boy.

Yay! I'm one of the chosen! 

Yeah, I guess I'm rather sloppy. But I try to confort myself by thinking that too clean isn't good either (these anti-bacterial kitchen products that finally will make bacteria resistant and such). Our kitchen is far from spotless but on the other hand - no one in this family has ever been sick with food poisoniing or any other stomach disorders 

[witch]

My mother told me once, that when I was just a child, the doctor told her she had to stop keeping me so clean and let me out in the garden to eat some dirt and stuff. 'How will she ever build up any resistance to germs?', he said.

[Lorelei]

My mother told me once, that when I was just a child, the doctor told her she had to stop keeping me so clean and let me out in the garden to eat some dirt and stuff. 'How will she ever build up any resistance to germs?', he said.

Blame Dr Spock for lots of things, because my mother freaked out on a regular basis about childrearing principles since disputed, but apparently he said nothing about not letting toddlers chow down on dead moth carcasses littered around the perimeter of the porch. Supposedly I spent a happy afternoon chowing down on moths at least once. Since I am usually strong like bull, I suppose it can't hurt to try forcefeeding sprogs dead vermin. From that point on, my hyper-protective parent monitored everything within my reach.

My brother was even more omnivorous, though, and (apparently) a more stealthy child, and has always been rather sickly / allergy prone. In his case, cat turds, loose parquet tiles soaked in wood polish and floor wax, plastic cereal prize toys, bathroom caulk trim and potted plant dirt were part of his daily recommended dietary supplements. Bleh.

Of course, my diet was better overall, because my mother cooked two-three meals a day, we never had any soft drinks, sugared cereals or fast food in our house, desserts were rare, and we were forced to go play outside regularly. By the time my brother was at the same age, my father was dead, my mother was sole breadwinner, and dinner quality declined, plus my brother was addicted to crap and working for a variety of fast food places.

[angelyne]

yeech!!  Dead moth carcasses.  They must have tasted nice, if you kept eating them. Not that I'm volunteering to try <gag>

Many aborigines eat insects.  Heck we eat shrimps, and it's just a sea bug.  The revulsion is just a cultural thing.  But even though my head knows, there is no convincing the rest of me... berk.

[witch]

Huhu grubs are a Kiwi speciality, scroll just over half way down the link to have a look. http://www.maorifood.com/tour_taumarunui.html

[morriganrant]

Its always strange to a southerner when they go up north a bit. When visiting my great grandparents in Ohio myself and my grandmother (the great grandparents in questions daughter in law.) decided that no one knew how to cook and spices other then salt was a completely foreign idea. They also find our eating of crawfish disgusting because apparently it the more northern parts of the usa they are nothing but bait. We find it weird that they don't eat them but will eat lobsters who are quite a bit like them but bigger.

[Iolanthe]

Where were you in Ohio?  Because I live there, and I've practically grown up on unidentifiable spices....