Jul "More Awful Than You": Most Offensive Story Or Movie!

[notveryawesome]

Maybe it's cocaine rather than Coca Cola.

[Angelique]

This challenge is great! xD

IM A DAMN GOOD MOHTER and These Foolish Games made me laugh out loud. 


Here are some shitty stories:

"lost on lovers lane" http://www.thesimsresource.com/storytelling/view.php?id=5185

"I should listen you" http://www.thesimsresource.com/storytelling/view.php?id=5184 (Has quotable lines like "NO I DONT LISTEN YOU!", "I DONT WANT HAVE BABYS OK!" and "I HATE CHILDRENS!!!")
"lilly gold" http://www.thesimsresource.com/storytelling/view.php?id=4132

They may not be very offensive, but they are SHITTY.

I'll try to find something really offensive.

[witch]

I enjoyed the frog prince. Have also been amusing myself giving only 1 star to all overrated stories.

[Marhis]

I liked the frog prince too. And that cokedude must have an obsession about setting houses on fire. Pyromaniac, maybe?

EDITED TO ADD:
In short: what the heck is this?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD0GZwNK1X0

[Lorelei]

ARGH.

Okay. Here's the ones I can actually see on dialup.

REVIEW: "Heaven's Garden"

Story/Plot (often mutually exclusive): Poor little rich girl is forced to marry assy little rich rapist adulterous fist-fllinging boy, is beaten and sexually abused, denied her desire to have kiddies, but a little green infant she finds sitting in her yard (and apparently makes no effort to return to her kin) saves the day. I think. As far as I can tell, both mother and foster child are beaten to death and go to Plant Sim Land, which is supposedly Heaven. Just a wild guess, given the title of this poo. And everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Uh.

Grammar/Spelling/Typos:
"Heavinly Garden!" Can't decide what the real title is supposed to be.
"Raya emideately told them about the child and to make a good impression Ethan told them that they "offcourse" were keeping the child and oh how he "loved" children." Augh!
"Asking Ethan would be suecide so raya guessed she would never know. He can sleep with anyone he wants as long as they dont do it in my home. I never want to si her or know anything about her........" Three dots for an ellipsis within a sentence, four if it is at the end, but better not to use any at all if you can't use them correctly. Apostrophe key broken.
"Yes she thought I'm to tired and weak to live anymore. "argh" blood gupled out of her mouth as Ethan took another hard-core blow to her head. Crying and moaning Raya thought that now at this moment Ethan could win and she would be rid of her missery." Often neglects to capitalize proper nouns, use proper punctuation, or words that actually exist in English.
""No, no, no." she cried out. Not poor Iris "Leave her alone" it was supposed to be a shout but her throat was sore from moaning and crying. She scrambled closer to the spot where Iris had hid and Ethan had found her. Sobs, cries, moaning, unconsolable screaming and an evil an evil laughter. These horrid sounds made a picture in Rayas head as she kept crawling towards them." Apparently period key is also borked and only works on occasion.
"More than you could ever imagen" Oy. "If you did rate it high and if you ahve time popp by my guestbook and leave a message." You really don't want to hear my comments. I promise.

Cliches: Of course the mistress is a blonde.

WTF?: Who goes swimming in capri pants? (Story not set in Victorian era, BTW, and they'd be scandalized at her bra top.) Protagonist looks bald and mindlessly happy in title image. Antagonist glamorized and given primary focus in title image.

Bad Writing: "She is my gardner and one day I hope I can blossom the way she does each day of her life."

Ignorance of Topic Discussed: There's no mention of anything that would not advance the simpleminded plot. No attempt to seek help finding the real parents of the foundling, no attempt to seek help from authorities, no attempt to remove self from abusive situation. It's all one big "this sure is a bummer, ho hum, oh well" plot.

Dramatizing the Horrible (Badly): Moral of the story: if you and your kid get beaten to death by a cheating abusive spouse, you get to play in a fancy garden forever and ever, amen.

Mitigating Factor(s): Author is Norwegian. Writes in English better than many Americans do. Also, am relieved that this was a one-off. The pain ends here.

Gut Reaction: Ugh. But I've seen worse. That is depressing enough.


REVIEW: "The hills have eyes"

Story/Plot (often mutually exclusive): As far as I can tell, mutants appear out of nowhere and bother a house full of stupid people. Someone burns (to death?) atop a loo. A truck gets stuck. This is very important. A crappy car is found. Yey? A lot of characters say "No!" Somehow, all is okay in the end. Not sure how that happened. Oh yeah...fiery mutant doom. No one thinks to look for or kick the charred corpses afterwards, so there is bound to be a sequel. Yawn.

Grammar/Spelling/Typos: Rife with!

Cliches: God, I don't know. I found the whole thing tedious.

WTF?:
Image: Stay away from me, you freak, while I grab your face and make out with you vigorously anyway.
Image: Lo, I am slain by a mutant, but I still dream of going to Uni one day.
Image: Lo, Bill is nearly slain, but he still wants to WooHoo! Image: Why is the red couch placed directly in front of the oven? Nice view!
Image: "But then Bill went to The bathroom and got burnt." Say what?

Bad Writing: (Insert entire story here.) My eyes!
"Bill:The took Hannah!" The what took Hannah?
Hank:"Wheres Bethanne?" Hannah:"she went to find Jen and Jon." Bill:"There in great danger!" and "Jon:"There dead."" Apostrophe abuse! Lack of Proper Capitalization! "There"? Make it stop!
"Jen:"im Gonnna kill em."" I hate this person. Seriously.
My eyes!!

Ignorance of Topic Discussed: No clue, haven't seen any of the "Hills" movies. Not my bag.

Dramatizing the Horrible (Badly): Funny-looking mutants. ROFFLE. Least traumatized Sims EVER.

Mitigating Factor(s): It loaded quickly on dial-up? I really had to reach for that one.

Gut Reaction: Yuck. Dumbassery. Also? Not especially scary, not enough FIGHT. Make me give a damn, next time...though I hope there is no 'next time'. But..ALAS...this person knows not when to stop. MOAR badness exists!

MINI-REVIEW
There's a Mrs. Crumplebottom story (The Crumplebottom Story, of course) that rips off Titanic.

Mitigating factors include some interesting stairs and slightly less horrible writing. ("Christina:"Im getting off the ship with you when we dock in new york." Christopher:"Your crazy Christina." Christina:"I know. i never realized it until i met you."" It's still awful, alas; but there were not five screens of characters saying little more than "No!" this time.)

The ocean is played by a flat, slate blue shag rug throughout this story for maximum lulz. Oh noes, we are going to drown in the carpeting! (It must actually be the 1970s, only then would the shag be deep enough to inspire that particular worry.)

Other lulzy stuff: Lots!
'Oh no, the blue carpet encroaches, very square and threatening!' Goodbye Papa Crump.
'Oh no, this whole ship will be gone in thirty minutes! Not sure how I know that, but isn't it horrible?' 'Oh yes, I am going to pause and reflect with you about how sad it is that this ship is going to sink. Instead of, you know, continuing to panic or looking for a way to survive.'
More terrifying blue carpet!
'Oh noez, I hope my mother doesn't find me! I'm not concerned about my loved ones at all! I'm perfectly content to sit here with you, strange boy I just met.'
The ending is another WTF, with 'Christina' deciding a minor tiff over snobbery is more important than trying to find her parents (and she somehow (is she psychic?) knows definitively that her father is dead), and since the writer failed to rip off any of the Titanic romance story, we aren't sure why 'Christina' is so into the steerage passenger she barely spoke to.
Dudes, he invites her to sit in his cabin, she says she can't stand first class anymore, and suddenly they are inseparable. (Also: 'cheap' booze in first class? Darlings, I should think NOT.) 
Lastly, 'Christopher' winds up (apparently) buried under a large buffet table in 'Christina' Crumplebottom's back garden. Whuh?

The same author 'delights' us with more masterworks.

MINI-REVIEW
JACKPOT!!!!oneone1! is short but not sweet. Girl goes to ugly all-wood-plank box of a convenience store, wins either 20 or 200 million dollars from MyShuno game, stands in a field for a while, stands next to a stove, talks to more people in a field, never gets money, the end. It's like a hit-and-run fishslapping. ('What just happened? I think it stunk, but it's all over now.') Writer promises there will be MOAR to come. Oy. I cannot bear to see if s/he carried through on this threat.

Couldn't watch any of the movies, which is probably a good thing, given that I care about my overall mental health.

Then my ded wuz not pastede on, yey, because my brain imploded from the badness. Fo' realz!

I need to go lie back down.

>.< .oO{WTF?!}

ETA: Reader-friendly spacing and a typo zorching.

[karlynn]

These  may be almost run of the mill by the standards (?) set here, but they do have a WTF factor that make them worth avoiding if you value sanity:

Holy Tragedy: The Death of Sister Agnes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL2UnYXQlTU
Plot: A nun dies in various ways.  We see a running naked woman (the nun?).  Other nuns chirp like birds as they watch the dying nun.  Two nuns kiss, in what may be a flashback.  Message: Being a lesbian nun causes you to die horribly?


The Stepfather: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4LkGLfUlrw

Plot: Teenage girl is upset as she finds her very well endowed mother dancing (in a very funny way) for her Fabio clone lover.  The girl cries.  The mother's husband comes home and slouches around.  The girl falls in love with her step father, so they go away and the girl dances in her undies for him in front of a fire.  The mother's lover, for some unexplained reason, sets the mother on fire in her bed.  The step father proposes to the girl on the dead mother's grave.

[cenoura]

"I should listen you" had a good conclusion: I want a normal life and to be a good mother, so I will dye my hair blonde. That'll solve everything.

In short: what the heck is this?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD0GZwNK1X0

I saw that one and decided not to enter it - I guessed it was someone showing off their sim. I figured the videos to be entered in this contest should at least attempt to be a story of some kind... Correct me if I'm wrong?

Added this one for the WTF factor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgxAAu4K-_E it's 10 minutes long and features what can only be described an ADD Sim who flits from one activity to another, a howling dog, and two minutes of footage of a still computer. Shot with the walls down to the sound of various club tunes. Oh, don't forget the jerky camera angles and when some more Sims actually show up, the camera takes us to another part of the house with no activity. Just when you think it's getting interesting and you're going to see the Sim pee himself... he doesn't... When asked what his film was about, the poster replied "I don't know. The guy and his dog?"

[Angelique]

"I should listen you" had a good conclusion: I want a normal life and to be a good mother, so I will dye my hair blonde. That'll solve everything.

xD Yep.

also "I should listen you" teaches you that if you don't listen to mom, you'll end up having sex with three ugly ass townies, and you'll have three ugly ass kids that you don't want.

The Stepfather: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4LkGLfUlrw

Plot: Teenage girl is upset as she finds her very well endowed mother dancing (in a very funny way) for her Fabio clone lover.  The girl cries.  The mother's husband comes home and slouches around.  The girl falls in love with her step father, so they go away and the girl dances in her undies for him in front of a fire.  The mother's lover, for some unexplained reason, sets the mother on fire in her bed.  The step father proposes to the girl on the dead mother's grave.

wow that's fucked up. srsly.

[jsalemi]

Okay,this little gem features, not rape, but homophobia and patricide, and is thoroughly offensive in many ways: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpmBBj15rpM

To sum up the 'plot', two small girls suspect dad has a gay lover, subsequently find dad in bed with said lover ((they even went to bed toguether!), kill them both, and live happily ever after .

What makes it is this comment someone left: " i dont get it when joel likes alex and lies a girl at the same time wierd".  Guess he/she never heard of a bi-sexual before.

[ieliminate]

The Stepfather: Why did Blond-Fabio burn down his lover's house?
Holy Tragedy: The Death of Sister Agnes: WTF? Lesbian NUNS??

The Diary of Loss and Pain is the most cliched story yet. In the beginning it says that if the cat died it would be the worst possible thing that could ever happen

My Entries (not the worst, but they're stupid stories):

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=170873

It starts with a bunch of naked people and moves on to strippers and blackmailing. More stupid than anything.

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=171315

Just a bunch of pictures of a womans boobs. Why even make it?

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=171480

My Favorite. Feature rape and "rape kids".

[LK]

I hope this hasn't been posted before, because I'm a huge fan of this person's work.  Short stories, simple plots, but definitely Pulitzer territory if you ask me. 

And while not as good, I like this one too.  Not as emotionally provocative as the first selection, but I think it delves into the human phyche on a philosophical level not reached by common literature.

[Invisigoth]

I enjoyed the frog prince. Have also been amusing myself giving only 1 star to all overrated stories.

I agree about the frog prince.  That's the version of the story that I'm showing to my children one day instead of the shitty happily ever after with a guy who's only feature is being hot and rich (which is enough and women should be grateful for that much!)  What is really funny is that I have been doing the same thing with the stars! 

[professorbutters]

Okay,this little gem features, not rape, but homophobia and patricide, and is thoroughly offensive in many ways: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpmBBj15rpM

To sum up the 'plot', two small girls suspect dad has a gay lover, subsequently find dad in bed with said lover ((they even went to bed toguether!), kill them both, and live happily ever after .

What makes it is this comment someone left: " i dont get it when joel likes alex and lies a girl at the same time wierd".  Guess he/she never heard of a bi-sexual before.

What got me about that one was the sheer technical badness, too.  I was trying to be distressed about the subject matter, but I kept thinking "why does that shot only show foundation?  Did the filmmaker just use maxmotives?  Is that little girl upset mostly because her sister is blocking the doorway?"

Also that when one of the sisters is telling the other one about her daddy's affair, the filmmaker clearly wanted to show the puzzle word bubble (as in "putting the pieces" together) but her first comment seemed to be "Daddy is a blockhead."

So far the rape one wins for me.  I was so grossed out I couldn't even finish watching it.  The Columbine one is tasteless but the offensiveness is a bit blunted by the sheer incompetence of its MS Paint blood.

And all of them have the WTF element of "Annnnd here we have a dramatic shot of. . . a sim sitting on the sofa, looking blank!"

PB

[Ellatrue]

I decided to see what else this genius has produced.

Here's one set to Jewel's "These Foolish Games": http://youtube.com/watch?v=s5O50-I19pA

It features more push-ups sex, plus a sword fight between a wife and her naked husband. I love the fact that the wife is this lily-white redhead and the evil slut he is cheating on her with his is, of course, black.

OH MY GOD

As soon as I saw them having sex in the shower, I just couldn't stop laughing... this movie is so ridiculous, and the serious music just makes it worse! And who kills their husband IN A SWORD FIGHT? (not to mention, where did HIS sword come from?)

"I should listen you" http://www.thesimsresource.com/storytelling/view.php?id=5184 (Has quotable lines like "NO I DONT LISTEN YOU!", "I DONT WANT HAVE BABYS OK!" and "I HATE CHILDRENS!!!")

Hooray! New siggie! Although the English is forgivable, because apparently the author is some girl from Estonia just learning English. Which explains the he/she pronoun confusion.

It's great not only that she dies her hair blonde in the end in order to become a good mother, but that she think the worst day in the world is when her mother marries an Indian/Black guy (whatever, it's S4).

I hope this hasn't been posted before, because I'm a huge fan of this person's work.  Short stories, simple plots, but definitely Pulitzer territory if you ask me. 

Special.

[Iolanthe]

Here are a few more masterpieces:
http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=168003&searchPage=exch&search=1&asset_type=story&key=sex&order=UPDATE_DATE+desc&nrows=50&storyCat=&locality=&country=&view=new&hideFramework=&languageCode=
Not offensive, as far as I can tell.  Convicted on 48 counts of utter boredom and idiocy.
Newlyweds have long-winded friends.  Everyone eats a lot.
But (gasp) husband is having affair.  Wife conveniently starves.  Husband marries gold-digging mistress.  Lots of woohoo.  Gold-digger is PREGANT!

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=168844&searchPage=exch&search=1&asset_type=story&key=sex&order=UPDATE_DATE+desc&nrows=50&storyCat=&locality=&country=&view=new&hideFramework=&languageCode=
"This is my story on how I climbed to the top of the social ladder."
Ridiculously idealistic actress is ecstatic when she lands a commercial.  The carpool driver warns her that Marisa Bendett is evil.  Idealistic actress's husband kisses Marisa.  Idealistic actress sleeps with her agent.  Idealistic actress confronts husband about cheating; they had such a trusting marriage that she had security cameras installed to watch him).  Husband rapes actress.  Ooh!  It's a cliffhanger.
As an aspiring actress, I found this gritty depiction of the thespian life to be incredibly enlightening.

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=170275&searchPage=exch&search=1&asset_type=story&key=sex&order=UPDATE_DATE+desc&nrows=50&storyCat=&locality=&country=&view=new&hideFramework=&languageCode=
We start in medias res.  Woman has an affair with husband's best friend.  Woman drinks lots of beer and eats pizza until she gets woozy and vomits.  Woman is pregnant.  "Honey, I'm pregnant," she explains to her husband, who is obviously thick enough not to notice the maternity clothes and the second trimester belly.  Of course, that could have been from the beer.  Woman apparently stays in kitchen for three to six more months, drinking beer.  Paramour telepathically knows it's his baby.  They sleep together.  Husband and wife sleep together.  Wife breaks up with paramour.  Paramour tries to rape woman.  Husband shoots paramour, wife thanks husband and admits affair, and everyone is happy.
I feel sorry for the baby.  Not only are its parents total idiots, but it's a born alcoholic.

[Diala]

Here's a story I found a few months back.

The Shea Family
Very tl;dr, but humorous. Here's the gist: woman has a ton of sex with this one guy and gets four kids, but the guy won't take care of them. She asks mom to help her, but mom FORCES her to be with him and be his "slave." Kids and mom get beaten up and abused. Mom moves away. Then suddenly, they all die of the plague. THE END LOL

[Tailchaser]

I decided to see what else this genius has produced.

Here's one set to Jewel's "These Foolish Games": http://youtube.com/watch?v=s5O50-I19pA

It features more push-ups sex, plus a sword fight between a wife and her naked husband. I love the fact that the wife is this lily-white redhead and the evil slut he is cheating on her with his is, of course, black.

ThankyouThankyouThankyou!  I haven't laughed so hard in ages.  She should have guessed it would end badly when her husband insisted on room dedicated to a sexbed. Contest over.

[witch]

The 'These Foolish Games' one was rather good I thought. Apart from the stereotyping etc, I had no trouble following the plot. It's not anywhere near the class or technical competence of Brynne's movies, but not mockworthy.

[Emma]

I hope this hasn't been posted before, because I'm a huge fan of this person's work.  Short stories, simple plots, but definitely Pulitzer territory if you ask me.

OMG! So funny!

"U whore! Wat is ur problem whore?"

"Smack!! there u go ho."

I always thought a ho is what you used for weeding your garden. Apparently I was wrong.

I don't really like this challenge much, I tend to only read the MATY stories and a few choice legacies. I ain't being a judge though, my head would explode.

[Khaki]

Here's a story I found a few months back.

The Shea Family

A quote:

"Sam got a free crib, diaper changer, toys and high chair from the Pre-Marital Sex Accosiation, because she couldn't afford it."


The people who write these stories must be especially stupid, as opposed to normal stupid.

[Tailchaser]

I nominate this one. A short yet heartwaming tale of the most famous manwhore in the sims2, don lothario.

BaddabingBaddaboom!

[Aggie]

"Sam got a free crib, diaper changer, toys and high chair from the Pre-Marital Sex Accosiation, because she couldn't afford it."


The people who write these stories must be especially stupid, as opposed to normal stupid.

That quote really got to me too. I mean, what is the purpose of a Pre-Marital Sex Association anyways? 

Also, another quote:

Can I see our sex joke? Drake is NOT a joke!

That's an interesting way of describing an unexpected baby: a sex joke. 

[Emma]

I'd like to know how this got 5 stars?

The Legacy of Biker Grandpa- Chapter 1, Part 1

Choice quote:

"Hello?"
"Is this Arcadia?"
"Yes."
"Well hey there, I have a secret."
"Yes?"
"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

Also, another quote:

Can I see our sex joke? Drake is NOT a joke!

That's an interesting way of describing an unexpected baby: a sex joke. 

 

[Khaki]

I mean, what is the purpose of a Pre-Marital Sex Association anyways? 

Really, I would expect a Pre-Marital Sex Association would be giving out dildos, condoms, and the morning after pill instead of "diaper changers"

"My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in."

I admit, I'd give it five stars just for that line....

[eevilcat]

I'd like to know how this got 5 stars?

The Legacy of Biker Grandpa- Chapter 1, Part 1

Same way most things on the Exchange get 5 stars... the rest of the flock vote for it.