More Awful than You! August: Craptacular Stories.

[dorquemada]

I don't know, this really did it for me.  He has a horrible wound from shaving his penis and he didn't NOTICE?

I am more amused by the fact he had to shave it. Normally, that limb should not be hairy, all the growth happens in its surroundings...unless our hero is someone like this.

[gethane]

Actually, a too tight of circumcision as an infant can cause this. If too little skin is left to account for "growth," when the penis gets hard it can pull some (hairy) skin up from the scrotum. One of those negatives of circumcision that's not talked about.

I shall attempt to fulfill my duites, as I've been eager in the past to be found worth of judging the most awful. However, my real life is about to get even more chaotic than normal. I'm moving to California in 10 days with 3 of my 5 children (from rural Nebraska no less) to attend law school at ***  . For realz. So whether I'm still sane at the end of the month to perform my duties is up in the air.

[professorbutters]

Nominee for least content ever in a story episode.

Hmmm.  I don't know that this claims to be a "story," though.  It's a legacy update, which sometimes means just that;  an update on what's going on in somebody's challenge.  A lot of people don't make stories out of their legacies. 

I half-heartedly trolled for stories, and then I quit.  I just don't think I have the heart to spork anybody for their sims stories, which is weird, because I have no problem at all sporking the hell out of bad fanfic on GAFF.  And the charm has gone out of that after JKR published the last Harry Potter book and the Harmony/Pumpkin Pie wankfest died down and there just isn't as much of Draco having Harry's assbabies anymore.  Sigh.

I glanced over the Cyd Roseland story, but the pictures all seem to have been deleted.  Hmmm---wonder why?

PB

PS:  I've noticed that if you do a search on "vampire" on the Exchange, you get a lot of wangsty angst, but if you actually do a search on "angst," what you get is pretty good.

[rohina]

Uh, prof buttsecks? If you are writing a "legacy update" you are making a claim that it is a story. If you are putting it on LiveUrinal, you are making a claim to be a "writur". Thus, crap with no content, and stories that include posts like "Oh, they had a baby, but I can't remember its name" are fair game. If you are trolling for readers and whining on sim secret that you don't get comments,  you are writing a story. Don't make me nominate your weird sexist crap. Kthxbye.

[professorbutters]

Uh, prof buttsecks? If you are writing a "legacy update" you are making a claim that it is a story.

No, you aren't, in fact.  If the legacy author says it is a story, then fine, but all legacy players are not story authors and vice versa. 

If you are putting it on LiveUrinal, you are making a claim to be a "writur". Thus, crap with no content, and stories that include posts like "Oh, they had a baby, but I can't remember its name" are fair game.

I don't agree with you there. LiveJournal is for journal entries, not necessarily stories.  I never put stories up on LiveJournal:  I use it for outtakes, toddler spam, wedding pictures of spares: a lot of writers use it as a sort of "extra features" on a DVD.  It's also good for bitching about stuff you wish your sims hadn't done.  I don't really like LiveJournal stories much at all.

If you are trolling for readers and whining on sim secret that you don't get comments,  you are writing a story.

I DO agree with you there.  You definitely have set yourself up if you complain that you don't get comments.  Bonus points:  threats to stop writing.  (Groucho: How much if you don't rehearse?
 Chico: You couldn't afford it.)

Don't make me nominate your weird sexist crap. Kthxbye.

You wouldn't dare.  You mean, mean, mean. . . person/thing, you. . . mean.  Person.  Whatever.

Also, I plan to be incommunicado on a boat in Maine, far far from reading writey crap of adolescents.  For weeks.  I just filed my grades and I ain't reading ANY writey adolescent crap before I gotta.

PB

[rohina]

Well, you might be using your Urinal that way, but the story I pointed to was one I found from someone attention-whoring about their story, so you know, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I am going to call it a duck.

[Zazazu]

Uh, prof buttsecks? If you are writing a "legacy update" you are making a claim that it is a story.

No, you aren't, in fact.  If the legacy author says it is a story, then fine, but all legacy players are not story authors and vice versa. 

If you are putting it on LiveUrinal, you are making a claim to be a "writur". Thus, crap with no content, and stories that include posts like "Oh, they had a baby, but I can't remember its name" are fair game.

I don't agree with you there. LiveJournal is for journal entries, not necessarily stories.  I never put stories up on LiveJournal:  I use it for outtakes, toddler spam, wedding pictures of spares: a lot of writers use it as a sort of "extra features" on a DVD.  It's also good for bitching about stuff you wish your sims hadn't done.  I don't really like LiveJournal stories much at all.

I agree that 95% of legacy stories are not really intended to be stories. They are glorified picture commentaries. That's what my LJ is as well, but this does not exclude you from the basic tenants of grammar and any sense of decency. Nothing...absolutely nothing excuses you from using walls down.

My general nomination would be anyone who does an heir poll. We don't fucking care.

Serious nominations:

• SimCity's Supermodel Season 2, for running a pixellated supermodel contest. TWICE. It makes me want to cry for humanity. Also for copious use of centered texts in paragraph format. The two do not mix.
• Holy Moly, It's the Spicolis! I know Rohina especially loves this one.    Nominated for unfunny poking of a fake mentally retarded person. I believe Episode 16 was crueler than Episode 17. Also, walls down.

[rohina]

I actually think the model one is quite... hmmm... quite a good parody of the show. It would be better if it were more sporky, but it has its moments. If you hate ANTM or have never watched it, a lot of it would just pass you by, though.

[floopyboo]

That model "story" reads like bad Daria fanfiction, which is a place I'd rather not revisit, tyvm.

[Liveangel]

From June: Furry Sims Urinal.

[Kyna]

Found the diary of Emily at TSR.  http://forums.thesimsresource.com/showthread.php?t=328277

Mercifully brief, and mercifully unfinished (even though it's been over a year since the last instalment).

The story has all that we have come to expect from a craptacular story: spelling mistakes, poor capitalisation (please use I, not i), evil foster home (foster home experience covered in a bare two sentences), misspelling of one of the main character's names in much of the story (Vincund), and incredible plot holes - including an actual hole that the heroine falls into when she's 13, finds she can't get out of, yet she somehow survives until she is 25 when the Curious brothers stumble across her and rescue her.  We are never told how she survived for 12 years in a hole that she couldn't climb out of.

For bonus points, it also probably has game borkage - the sim was born in Pleasantview, yet moved to Strangetown twice - once with her parents when she was 7 and again (apparently) when she ran away from the foster home at 13.  It looks like the writer forgot that she'd moved her heroine to ST in the previous paragraph.

I'm not nominating this based on the story.  I'm nominating this based on the in-thread discussion about how the writer (I use the term loosely) and her sister (who apparently also posts Curious brother stories at TSR) are both great writers because their dad is a writer.
There was this gem from the a random poster:

Ah Good Story! Seems Like Good-Writing Runs In The Family

The "writer" replied with this:

Well our dad is a writer.

Another random poster says:

That's so cool! So now we know were you both get it from!

Other highlights
- the writer mistakenly posted the story on her sister's forum account, leading someone to think that the sister was now posting three concurrent Curious brothers stories
- she loses track of what instalment she's up to.  The fourth and final instalment is headed: "Dairy Entry no." with no number.  Looks like she intended to go back and count all of the instalments, but I guess she couldn't count that high.
- stories at TSR are supposed to include pictures.  Four instalments of the story, but only two pics.  Neither of these feature the central character in the story.  One was of Pascal's alien baby in the crib, the other was of Lazlo holding the baby.
- From instalment three: ' "HEY!!!!" Lazlo shouted with joy. "WHY DON'T YOU LIVE IN THE OLD ABANDONED HOUSE DOWN THE
STREET!!??" '  In the next instalment we find out the "old abandoned" house is 2 months old.

Hoping that since I have submitted an entry, I am ineligible to judge this month's competition.

[Strangel]

Kyna - You failed to mention the lolworthy (possible) typo...

First i fisited all my friends from my school. Then i got hungry.

Soooo easily read as "fisted my friends".

[Kyna]

Sorry, I was still laughing about the plot hole that was a plot hole.

[Alex]

Oh that's a great find! My sides have actually split. I'd call the hospital, but the phone battery is dead... 

Apparently the "ditch" she falls into has an entire alien spaceship within it. She apparently has to wait 12 years before she can decide to climb on top of it and jump out of the "ditch".

Apparently the father struggled to pay all the bills until one for §1,000,000 arrived and simply had to give her away. As Stangel pointed out, she went to fist all her friends in the morning before ending up in Strangetown by lunch time. She obviously forgot that she moved when she was seven.

I really hate to think what the father's stories/scripts are like...

[rohina]

Excellent find, Kyna. I must admit, I enjoyed the "Who am I, whut?" portions more than the actual story.

[anankha]

I saw somthing I didn't want to. It was just plane nastey!
Then she was born. A little bundle of joy came into this world and I got to whitness it.

Wow. That's why I can't look for any stories, because I would probably get mad and vow never to read a Sims 2 story again. I also don't read Sexysims2 stories. I don't get exactly why you would buy the Sims 2 just so you could make a porno.

[witch]

Huh. I came here just to quote the same bit about whitnessing something nastey. Oh my, is Emily in for a shock one day.

Who's the noone character that never gets mentioned again?

[professorbutters]

"Something nasty" reminds me of Cold Comfort Farm.

Kyna's entry seems the best/worst so far, though the month is still young.  I think there ought to be bonus points for dumb usage of Maxis pre-mades.

PB

[Spinni]

I'm Emily. Noone should be reading this, i was born in Pleasantveiw, i moved to Strangetown when i was seven.

....

...NO ONE SHOULD BE READING THIS.

...What?

[Alex]

Who's the noone character that never gets mentioned again?

The best friend she supposedly fisted?

[professorbutters]

Oh, D'OH!  I'm sorry, Rohina, I didn't realize you wanted to nominate my *stories.*  I thought you meant nominate me as a *judge*!  Now that truly would have sucked, because I'm in the down season and I finally get to read good stuff instead of reading all the lousy papers I usually do. 

But my stories?  That's different. I didn't know you'd so much as looked at them.  The early chapters are indeed pretty crappy and some would say the whole thing was hideously bad.  I don't think it would win, but . . . but. . . it's an honor even to be mentioned. . . *sniffle*. . . it really is.  Maybe you'd nominate them anyway and I could get a special award for Miss Congeniality or Most Tedious or Most Sexist Crap.  Pleeeze?


PB

[J. M. Pescado]

Nothing...absolutely nothing excuses you from using walls down.

Not true. Sometimes wallsdown is required because walls-up would block the only camera angle that lets you get a good picture.

My general nomination would be anyone who does an heir poll. We don't fucking care.

Well, obviously, the poll is intended for the regular readership, not for you.

Holy Moly, It's the Spicolis! I know Rohina especially loves this one.    Nominated for unfunny poking of a fake mentally retarded person. I believe Episode 16 was crueler than Episode 17. Also, walls down.

That story was so desperately unfunny. Not to mention a picture of inept play.

[Liveangel]

Found the diary of Emily at TSR.  http://forums.thesimsresource.com/showthread.php?t=328277

Amusing. While I was reading that thread I accidentally clicked on a link in someone's signature.
One post Stories - Open to everyone *edited title*
Smells like a gold mine, but I'm too lazy to look ATM.

[Alex]

Found the diary of Emily at TSR.  http://forums.thesimsresource.com/showthread.php?t=328277

Amusing. While I was reading that thread I accidentally clicked on a link in someone's signature.
One post Stories - Open to everyone *edited title*
Smells like a gold mine, but I'm too lazy to look ATM.

Smells like the exact same thing to me. 

[Shivani]

Nothing...absolutely nothing excuses you from using walls down.

Not true. Sometimes wallsdown is required because walls-up would block the only camera angle that lets you get a good picture.

You can delete the offending wall in Build mode, take the picture normally with walls up, then hit Ctrl-Z to zap the wall back into place.