More Awful than You! August: Craptacular Stories.

[rohina]

We haven't had a good P&L at bad writing since July of last year, so there must be some fabulous new crap out there. Bonus points if you manage to spork a Urinator, or a story from a source other than the exchange. It's totally easy to find stories with bad spelling and grammar, but let's go the extra mile and find something more that really takes the story into the realm of the appalling.

[Alex]

Hm. I like the sound of this one. I'm not sure what format you want this in though (like some sample pictures or just a link)?

http://thesims2.ea.com/exchange/story_detail.php?asset_id=233988&asset_type=story&search=1&key=&hideFramework=&languageCode=

Here's a pretty bad one on the Exchange, that's around 5 pictures long (makes for some quick reading in a rush)! It's about a woman who has been abused for years by her husband to the point where she looks half dead (and yet no one notices... Hmm...) then suddenly he turns around, proclaims his undying love and begs for forgiveness. Naturally, she pretends the whole thing never happened and they live happily ever after. As you do. Craptacular pictures, including animation glitches, ahoy!

Choice quote:

I like her I just am to grumpy.I dont like hurting her.I will kiss her and make sure we fall in love.

[Tsarina]

I'd say the worst part about that story was

I will make a movie out of this.

[Jadis]

"Viking" "ghosts"

So someone actually uses the stupid viking helmets?

Oh, and no viking would ever be named Joey.

Bassackwards "story"

Teen pregnancy

The author can't spell, or punctuate. Or write an interesting story.

[rohina]

What part of "preferably not from the exchange" do you morons not understand?

[Night Racer]

http://forums.sims2community.com/story.php?t=59664

i pick this for a couple reasons:
-when i think of a storey i think of NICE screnshots and the sim is telling the storey...this..is the exact oposite
-the lot building is *epic phail*
-they suck at screen taking
-it gets boring after the 3rd sentance

so...ya..thats my entry and im sticking to it

[Kyna]

"Viking" "ghosts"

So someone actually uses the stupid viking helmets?

Oh, and no viking would ever be named Joey.

Bassackwards "story"

Teen pregnancy

The author can't spell, or punctuate. Or write an interesting story.

There were stories in those?  Where?  All I saw was a series of captioned pictures.  And atrocious mangling of the English language in the third one.  If it hadn't been for the information on the "story detail" page, I might not have realised it was in English.

http://forums.sims2community.com/story.php?t=59664

i pick this for a couple reasons:
-when i think of a storey i think of NICE screnshots and the sim is telling the storey...this..is the exact oposite
-the lot building is *epic phail*
-they suck at screen taking
-it gets boring after the 3rd sentance

so...ya..thats my entry and im sticking to it

They're saying that it was based on The Sims Zone SimBrother.  That was very obvious just from looking at the housemates - 5 of these are the same housemates that were in series 4 of the SimBrother series.  (John Cleese won that series of SimBrother.)  There's no shortage of celebrity sims, so why did they have to choose the same celebrities as had already been done (and done far, far better) by The Sims Zone.

[witch]

There's no shortage of celebrity sims, so why did they have to choose the same celebrities as had already been done (and done far, far better) by The Sims Zone.

Oh no Kyna, this story is fascinating. We got to watch a bunch of 'celebrity' sims eat, interact and sleep. What a cliffhanger! Thankfully, day 2 will also be 'settling down' so I'll be able to get more of what I crave. Scintillating commentary just adds to the allure of this piece.

[starlady]

Here is my entry. I give it an "A" for NOT mangling the English language (from what I can see, everything has correct punctuation and spelling) and because the screen shots are fairly nice. However, it gets an "F" for phailing miserably at actually holding my attention... the story also seems to bounce, because I got really confused as to what her boyfriend's name actually was...

http://forums.sims2community.com/story.php?t=59015

[witch]

Here is my entry. I give it an "A" for NOT mangling the English language (from what I can see, everything has correct punctuation and spelling) ....

Serioulsy?!?

[starlady]

Seriously. I couldn't find any awful spelling or lack of punctuation to make fun of. >_>;

[witch]

Blimey, I had to go there again. Here is the full quote you were too dumb to see:

The name's Zuri by the way. Zuri Marie OCEAN, and prroud of it. Serioulsy, Cooper is such a stupid last name!

That's where Serioulsy came from. In one of the first few sentences.

*witch spells things out s l o w l y

Edit: To fix typo. 

[starlady]

=p Seriously, I have a tendency to speed read. I took the "prroud" thing as how it would be said; there are several books in which the author uses phonetics to capture a speech impediment/accent/dialect. =D You know... like the Frosted Flakes commercial... "They'rrrrreee Grrrrrrrreeeeaaat!" *grins*

[Diala]

Is it alright to post stories from Sexy Sims 2? They require registration to see, but there are some terrible 'sex' stories that deserve P&L.

[rohina]

Is it alright to post stories from Sexy Sims 2? They require registration to see, but there are some terrible 'sex' stories that deserve P&L.

Go for it.

I am also noting starlady's crimes for mention on Grammar Day.

Nominee for least content ever in a story episode.

[Cimaronna]

Well, it isn't as bad as some but it's bad enough.

http://simtastic.wpblogs.com/2005/03/17/dear-diary/

[Liveangel]

From the Urinal, we have The Dork Legacy 5.1. It has Moar chapters but this was the first one I clicked.

Here are just a few of my favorite parts. I wanted to add more quotes, but that would've made this post 2 and a half pages long. Anyway, here goes nothing.

Oh hey, Judah! Remember me, the stinky girl from the store? You wanna maybe hang out tonight?
Judah: You're soft to hug!
Q: I know I just invited you to visit, but how about you move in?
Judah: Can I go get my stuff?
Q: No. You can never leave this house again.

Judah: You know...I'm only engaged to your daughter. We're not married yet. So maybe we could...
Margaret: OH HELL NO, DON'T TOUCH ME!
Judah: But you were the one who came to bed with me...

Can you tell I've been cheated on before, lol?
Q: Hey sweetie <3 I'm home from work.
Judah: Which one are you? Oh, Q! Hi dear.

Judah: Dude, marrying into a legacy rocks. You're dirt poor, single, hanging out at the local dives looking for someone - anyone! And then, in exchange for a little bit of craziness, you get to live in a mansion, go on all-expenses-paid vacations, never have to work if you don't want to...and if you play your cards right, sleep with everyone in the house!
Me: ...Aren't you a family sim?

Q's pretty bad at pregnancy.
Judah: I feel as though this is somehow my fault...*worryworry*

Judah: [Wedding cake] is the entire reason I wanted to get married.

Fake edit: Meh, still too long.

[Diala]

I don't usually read Sim stories, but I sometimes stop by Sexy Sims 2, just to see if I can find some tacky sex stories. Usually, I am not disappointed.

Here's a sample: Cumming together: In the begging

Basically, it is a story about Cyd Roseland screwing numerous people, including his own son. How wonderful.

Notable pictures:

...why is there a baby object in the background?.
NWS: I don't know why, but I am very amused by the face the fireman is giving.
NWS: ...the hell.
NWS: Those breasts! Ugh!

Quotes:

Suddenly...i whisper in her ear as she ever had a one night stand?

She quickly responds back "No...I think those are disgusting...however tonight might be a first..."

Hearing Marissa say that I quickly tore off my clothes and she looked at me with a disgusting but surprising look.

Marissa: "Oh my...do you expect that to go inside of me..."
Marissa quickly ran down the stairs and left Cyd in total confussion.

Cyd: Yea...whoa...(little did Hillary know that was the first time Cyd had ever seen any breast in person before)

Hillary: Cyd...my pussy is throbbing, my nipples are hard...and I cant get your dick our of my head. Cyd...I know this may be hard to believe...but I want you to be my first...take my VIRGINITY!!!

Cyd: "Did you just have a girl in her son?"

DJ: "No dad...um...I was just watching a gangbang flick...

Cyd: "Well son...your dick says otherwise."

Cyd: "Hey son...want a banna"

DJ: "Naw...I'm about to go to....

Before DJ could finish the sentence Cyd had stuck 9 inch dick in DJ's mouth and came inside his mouth in less than a minute.

We laid on the bed and talked some more until...I saw the bulge in Cyd's pants and my pussy instantly started leaking like a water hose.

They all die by fire, which is very deserving. Now doesn't that turn you on?

[gethane]

I am scarred for life.

[Jess Maree]

Hillary: Cyd...my pussy is throbbing, my nipples are hard...and I cant get your dick our of my head. Cyd...I know this may be hard to believe...but I want you to be my first...take my VIRGINITY!!!

We laid on the bed and talked some more until...I saw the bulge in Cyd's pants and my pussy instantly started leaking like a water hose.

 

Also...

JESUS H CHRIST ENOUGH OF THE INCEST!

Sir LongCock ahoy!

I find this picture rather disturbing:

Story link

Someone has her commas and apostrophes mixed up.

Also, in another story the author states "Okay, I'm a little scared here.. My first time posting a story anywhere, and I'll be scarred for life if no one likes it" before the story.

I sense a SimSecret in the making...

[sudaki]

Cyd rushed back up to his room and looked as his slightly bleeding penis. Cyd didn't realize that he had shaven earlier in the day and forgot that he had cut himself rather badly...leaving horrible looking scar and blood all over his penis.

I don't know, this really did it for me.  He has a horrible wound from shaving his penis and he didn't NOTICE?

[gethane]

I'm not clicking on any more links in this thread. Ugh. Life is too short to waste it on reading bad sim sex stories.   

[Kyna]

I'm not clicking on any more links in this thread. Ugh. Life is too short to waste it on reading bad sim sex stories.   

Semi-agreement.  I'm not clicking any sexysims links.  Reading that stuff is not my cup of tea, even when it's well-written.  I'm certainly not going to go read it when it's craptacular.

It's probably a good idea if people don't post NSFW images in the thread.  Linking to the images with a NSFW warning, such as Diala did, is better.

[rohina]

Looks like you two just volunteered to be the judges.

[Jadis]

Zombie attack

Warning: no one actually gets attacked, some of the pics don't have captions, and it's pretty much a non-story. It's short, though.

Not too into details, are we?

Different points of view, on the other hand, abound. I found the story quite confusing (why is the girl in trouble? Why is Gunther in trouble? Huh?)